The Photographer & The Model
February 26, 2013
My wife brought me back this… well I am not sure what it is, statue? figure? from Mexico. They are on the same stand, the photog is in a really awkward position and I am not sure what he is taking a picture of, I doubt whoever designed this really put any research behind it. Anyway, I will get right to it, here are the last 2 days to 7 Days Without a Wife. Enjoy.
Seven Days Without a Wife: Day 6
8:29pm – So we the morning went well. We have it down to a pretty solid routine. I honestly think the kids are just going along with most the things I say to avoid the confrontations. And in the end isn’t that all parenting is… getting to a point where they just do not want to fight with you so they do it?
Now that does not mean there were not some issues. The menu thins has been working, frozen pizza, chicken patties, hot dogs then tonight. Sloppy Joes, meat, sauce and rolls put ‘em together. No where on the menu did she write de-thaw the meat or the rolls. Both were frozen. Anna said I could de-thaw them in the microwave. What am I a scientist? I do not use the microwave. I do not like the microwave. Tonight, I conquered the microwave. We survived.
Now, for the Cat or the Pan? I solved the problem… but first would it have been funny if the cat died? I mean come on no joke she gave me 2 rules:
Rule #1: Do not let her cat Billie Jean, die.
Rule #2: Do not ruin any of the new pans.
It is like she tried to jinx that cat’s life. We would be talking about that forever. “Remember when I went away that time?” “Oh, you mean the time when the cat died?” Classic comedy, but no, I can not even lie for comedic purposes on this one (which I have many times this week btw, you really think I am too stupid to know we don’t have a dishwasher?). The cat is alive and pissing me off as we speak.
I did however almost ruin the new pan. Pot actually, big pot, just got them before Christmas. I was specifically told never to use them for making popcorn. See, I do not make popcorn in the microwave like normal folk (I am too stupid to use the microwave, that was real) I cook it on the stove. Oil in a pot, heat it up, dump in the kernels, walk away for 5 minutes… popcorn. Barbie gets pissed because I like my popcorn burnt, a nice layer of crispy, blackened, charred popcorn. Let it cook a minute or two too long, used to set the smoke detector off in the old house. Smell would be here for a day. She gets mad when I do that, but she is not here… so I did it, with her new pan. Forgot, I am supposed to use the old pan, the one I ruined… well… making popcorn.
So the new pan was destroyed on the bottom. I soaked for the last 24 hours, and then scrapped it gently, I think I am ok, hopefully she will never know. Don’t tell her; distract her by asking her about her cat.
Tomorrow should be the final test. Not only do we have the whole school routine, but throw in, because its Tuesday, almost 2 hours of dance class. I am in a class all day at work, so I can not leave as early as I would like. On top of that we are out of many important items that if I was paying better attention would have picked up over the weekend. So I need to go shopping, one item being dog food, not even enough to feed him tomorrow night, and unlike the cat… he is important.
Status: All will be fine one more time.
Seven Days Without a Wife: Day 7
9:57pm – The end is near. She should be home in a couple of hours. I most likely will be asleep, does that make me a bad person? I am tired. Never been a fan of Tuesdays, if I was a single parent, I do not think I would celebrate it at all, skip from Monday to Wednesday. Honestly this is the day that this whole experiment was almost too much.
We got through it. I made a plan, shared it with them over breakfast this morning, got their commitment with smiles, only to have them crap all over it when I tried to complete it. Who’s the fool here? I know the answer. They are smarter than me in some really stupid way. I’m ok with it, I will accept it.
But, all is set, the wife is returning soon. The only thing I have left to share and discuss is what I have heard over the last week from co-workers. Now understand there is bias, I work in HR, where the ratio is 20 women to 1 man, a ratio that is: really good in college, but at work… well…. figure it out on your own. Anyway, I have been told “This week will make you appreciate all that your wife does for you.” You know what… bullshit! I love my wife, she is my balance. I and the children miss her and everyone will be happy when she gets back… you can hear it coming don’t ya…wait for it… BUT, if I hear that stupid ass line one more time… from another wom… from anyone (though not one male had said it to me) I will call… b-u-l-l-s-h-i-t.
You know what was missing for this week? Do you? Me. M-E. I was missing. I needed another me, to help me, while I did what she does. Are you following this. I know this will not get me fans… send your comments to YChromosome@chauvinisticpig.com attention “bite me”. I am not downplaying what she does, I just did it, it is work. But, the missing component was someone doing all the stuff I normally do. In spite of that I still got it all done, both parts, but another me would have helped out with the stress. Do I want her to go away again… not really. For all the guys out there that will hear “you will appreciate…crap” if you wife goes away. What you will really learn to appreciate is all you do for your wife. And for that I salute my fellow men.
Status: Tired, but done. Kids still alive.
tr/trp