A friend from town told me she could get me on the roofs in Boston, specifically the North End. So, I worked this into my plans for today…so cool. I figured it would be a great way to kick off the 5th year of the dailypic. Got to overlook the harbor, see the airport, and plenty of exercise… btw, the stairs in these old buildings will drain you at any age, slow, narrow, hot and straight up. On the last stop,  I got to over look the greenway and take this shot. It was a great way to spend any morning, even a birthday that ends with zero.  I had taken off a few days to slowly slip into my next decade. Today was the roofs/rooves (which ever you prefer), yesterday were the abandoned properties and cemeteries.

As for the birthday, why is there such a stigma attached to 4-0, it is a milestone, but we see it coming from a distance and mine arrived today.  I had a crazy English Teacher in high school who mentioned once; “you should write your own eulogy on each birthday that ends with zero.” There was no discussion, she had a habit of saying crazy, unrelated things,  I had a habit of sleeping in her class, so a lot of that course is a blur,  maybe she hit a milestone of her own at the time? That statement stuck with me though. I doubt it occurred to me when I was 20, I know I thought (but never acted upon it) when I was turned 30, and here I am… another zero.

If I had written one about Tim at  20, I guess it would have spoken to how he was a bit lost, an unknown quantity, except to those close to him, and even they may still have described someone no one knew.

Tim at 30, it would have been very different, an ambitious young man, father, husband, who loved to prove people wrong, even when not needed. He had accomplished a lot in a short time, married, family, business owner. He also had stress tests, anxiety, and a caffeine addiction. He should have enjoyed it more and tried to smile where people could see it, and could have put on a few pounds.

Now at 40… I think I just got what that crazy English Teacher meant. You can’t see the delay between my thoughts, but go back a few words, see the ”…” in the first sentence? That was an eternity, what the hell do you write presently?  It is for someone else to write/say. It is more like a self performance evaluation than a eulogy.  I could write it for Tim at 20, Tim at 30, those are different people part of a past. Today is today.

Ten years ago I was not taking pictures, around that time I was angry, though looking back, I am not really sure why. Between then and now, I have had adventures that you only read about, experiences some people never have, found out things about myself I can never un-know, and made incredible connections. Witnessed some of my biggest mistakes and had many of my greatest victories. I’ve gained that weight I needed, and then some, and my beard turned gray.  I watched as my kids became these amazing young adults and powerlessly wish they would stop getting older. I over-share. I over-think. I over-extend. I have no regrets and hate to owe. My marriage became easy and I understand love in a way that the 20 year old could never fathom. I try to give more than I take, I live for balance, I belong here but refuse to conform. I believe in little without proof.  I have incredible memory and love to be nostalgic. I look ahead , but never that far.  I am painfully aware, both of self and others.  I write more but still suck at grammar. I found my passion for photos again and it is better the second time. I am in control. I laugh and smile more and learned to cry. I have more people I call friends than at any other point in my life and I miss those I have passed either by neglect or nature. I am comfortable and it feels like it took forever.

I have added the other shots from my trip to the city. I think I will be holding on to the abandoned stuff for a while. As I mentioned, I tend to over share.

tr/trp

Nikon D4, 1/500 sec, f14, ISO 400, 24mm (24-70mm f2.8)